


feel and stop thinking with your head

by agentmmayy



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, post 7x04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:14:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24954355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentmmayy/pseuds/agentmmayy
Summary: In the aftermath of 7x04, Daisy seeks out Melinda.
Relationships: Melinda May & Skye | Daisy Johnson
Comments: 44
Kudos: 139





	feel and stop thinking with your head

**Author's Note:**

> *insert mushu gif* i liiiiiive 
> 
> so it's been a hot minute since i put a fic on here due to life in general but i'm baaaack and thoroughly rekt by this season so far *especially* 7x04 and may being an empath now so here are some of the feelings i have about that with a heaping side of angst. hope you enjoy! :)
> 
> title is taken from 'feel' by chicago which is the most perfect may song so far for s7

The Zephyr hummed beneath May’s feet, a familiar purring that indicated they were merely idling, instead of the loud cacophony that accompanied every time jump. It was soothing enough to fall asleep to if Melinda were able. Sleep, however, was the furthest thing from her mind at the moment. She wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to the realization that she was now empathic. Exhausting herself in the training area was her first choice, but that meant she’d have to be around the team, and right now, Melinda wanted to be alone. 

Her bunk offered a place of solitude. It felt like weeks rather than days that she hadn’t been in it. It was undisturbed save for crumpled sheets and a lingering scent of tiger balm on them, which meant Daisy had been sleeping there when May was in the healing pod. Sitting on her bed staring at the wall proved to be somewhat effective in getting out of her head. She’d changed out of her jumpsuit, unwilling to part with it, but not willing enough to sacrifice a shower before someone used up all the hot water. Though Melinda couldn’t feel comforted, she remembered the things that gave her comfort. Or, the things that used to. She ran her hands along the bedspread, enjoying how she got nothing more than a tickle on the pads of her fingers. 

Movement at her bunk door caught her eye. In the thin line of light stood an outline of a pair of feet that nervously shuffled as whoever was outside debated on knocking. May knew who it was, but remained quiet. A second or two passed before finally, a shy rap of knuckles against the metal. 

Melinda sighed, shifting to toss the covers aside. “Come in.”

The door swung open and Daisy’s head poked around, eyes doing a perfunctory sweep of the bunk before settling on Melinda, a little wide but mostly worried. She offered a tired, yet relieved smile as she slipped inside. “Hey.”

May couldn’t bring herself to smile back. “Hey.”

Having Daisy in her space was easy, familiar, but when Daisy made to sit on the bed next to her, in her usual spot, Melinda practically climbed up the headboard in order to get away from her. She couldn’t touch her. She couldn’t touch anyone. 

Hurt fell across Daisy’s face and she withdrew. Melinda looked away, hating that she put it there but hating that she couldn’t feel remorse even more. Daisy seemed to understand she needed space and took a seat near the end of the bed, though she got comfortable and kicked her feet up unlike Melinda who teetered near the edge. 

Daisy opened her mouth, presumably to reassure May but settled with a hesitant, “So… empath huh." 

“Simmons told you?”

“Elena, actually. She finally had enough of me pestering her about what was wrong with you.” Daisy studied her for a beat, carefully cataloging every inch of Melinda she could see. "Are you inhuman?"

May shook her head. "Jemma ran a test. The genetic markers didn’t add up." The screen she’d shown Melinda had made as much sense as anything these days, but from what Simmons explained, Melinda was still human just… different. 

Daisy let out a dramatic put-upon sigh. "I guess I'll have to rescind my offer to join the cool kids club then." 

“The club consisting of you and Elena.”

“Hey, we’re cool!”

The side-eye May gave her had Daisy crinkling her nose up playfully. Out of habit, Melinda reached to poke it but forced her hand down. 

Daisy cleared her throat, focusing on where she plucked at an area where the sheets pilled. "Does she know what you are?"

"She thinks it has something to do with what she did to bring me back."  _ Thinks  _ was a lie. Jemma knew exactly what happened and why Melinda was now this way, though she wasn't being very forthcoming about any details regarding that or anything in general. May was fine with that for now. She could only take so many revelations in a day. 

At Melinda’s insinuating silence, Daisy looked at her. "Do you know?" 

"The world I went into,” Melinda began. “There were no emotions.” It was bleak, barren. A home to soulless beings. “Maybe going in there took that away from me." 

The Zephyr whirred beneath them. When Daisy spoke, her voice was thick. “I’m sorry.” Her eyes glistened with tears in the low light as she cast her gaze toward Melinda. “You didn’t deserve that.”

Melinda thought back to how helpless she felt, bleeding out on the cold floor, unable to stop Izel from going through the portal, from the alien that wore Coulson’s face killing her team. "I'd do it again." 

Daisy clenched the blanket tightly in her fists for a moment then sighed, shoulders slumping. “You shouldn’t have to.”

“We both know that’s what we signed up for.”

The response was automatic, drilled into Melinda’s head the day she joined Shield. She believed it, of course, but how long before enough was enough? 

“I know- “ Daisy began but paused. “You said she was an empath. The little girl." 

"She was." Katya had been different, though. Her power twisted by her lack of preparedness, control, and her mother’s influence. May was far from being a child but control still felt like it was slipping from her grasp with every second. 

Learning she was empathic was equivalent to a kick to the balls. Was it a cruel punishment? Were the ten years and ongoing of Melinda reliving that moment over and over, blaming herself, losing a  _ part  _ of herself, not enough penance? Now she had to live with the same power of the girl she took the life from. The same power she killed her for. 

Melinda had the potential to become like Katya. She remembered seeing those men drop to the floor with a flick of Katya’s wrist, bodies landing with sickening thuds, eyes wide open and unseeing. It was too easy to picture her team instead. 

As if she could read May’s mind, Daisy said, "You won’t be like her. You’re not her." 

She shook her head. “You can’t trust me.” Melinda swallowed. “I can’t trust myself.”

“May, stop.”

Melinda opened her mouth but Daisy plowed through. “Jiaying refused to let Katya go through the mist, even when she would be eligible,” she blurted, eyes focused intensely on Melinda, voice strong. “You know why? Because she said she sensed darkness inside of her. That’s why she went insane. Not from her abilities. It was already there. You don’t have that.” 

That, Melinda hadn’t known. All she saw in Bahrain was a scared little girl who didn’t understand. She only knew Katya’s name after asking Daisy for it. Even so, it didn’t help Melinda feel any less guilt about the call she made. Nothing ever would. But, Melinda saw a world where she saved the girl, a world worse off than it was already. 

“You were way more dangerous before this anyway,” Daisy said, a little less insistent now, and then simply stated, “I trust you.” 

“Daisy-”

“May.” Daisy’s tone was gentle, yet unrelenting. “When I got my powers, you weren’t afraid of me. Why would this be any different?”

Because Melinda knew what empathic abilities could do, in the wrong hands or not. Touching someone, receiving their emotions, felt like violating them. It was easier to trust Daisy and the team than herself. May just hoped it wouldn’t end with her on the other side of the gun this time. 

When she realized May wasn’t going to reply, Daisy spoke. “It’s good to see you up and around. We were all worried about you.” She plucked at the sheets again, glancing at May. “Coulson especially.”

Melinda sighed. She knew where this was going and had no desire to have that conversation. "He's a robot, Daisy-"

"He's still Phil!" 

"No, he’s not,” she insisted. “He’s a robot with his face, his memories, his voice-" Melinda expected the familiar bitter grief that usually accompanied thoughts of Phil but there was nothing. She wasn’t sure if that was worse. "But his heart doesn't beat. He’s not Phil." 

"He’s still in love with you." 

_ And I'm still in love with him _ threatened to spill out but Melinda bit her tongue. She shook her head. "He thinks he is. He's not. He can't feel love. He can't feel anything." The emptiness Melinda felt when she took his hand still left her feeling hollow. 

It was too easy to see the denial written all over Daisy’s face, too familiar. At Melinda’s words, it melted and morphed into an understanding that echoed across Melinda’s own features. While a copy of Phil might be with them, it wasn’t him. That Phil was lying in a coffin in Tahiti decades into the future, nothing more than a skeleton now. 

Daisy sniffled. "I miss him." 

Melinda remained quiet. She missed Phil too, of course, she did, but his absence was nothing more than a phantom pain now. It was terrifying to think that if he was here, she wouldn’t be able to feel a thing for him. 

“I know this isn’t what he wanted,” Daisy began before everything came tumbling out. “Or what you wanted but I- I’d just killed the alien wearing his face. I watched his body knit itself back together as he tried to kill  _ me _ . Then I- then I almost lost you. I  _ did  _ lose you. Even when Jemma came, I- you were still-” Daisy bit her lip, hastily wiping at the tears that trickled down her cheeks. 

“That’s why I pressed the button,” she admitted softly after a second or two. “I didn’t want to be alone. I’m sorry.”

Melinda forced down her instinct to reach out and touch Daisy, grasp her arm, rub her back. Though having Phil brought back, in one form or another opened a fresh wound, she put Daisy first, always would. “I don’t want you to be alone either.”

Daisy stuck a hand out between them, fingers inching forward. They stalled, twisting in the blanket. “I have you too, now.”

“Some of me.”

“You’re still you,” Daisy insisted. Melinda wanted to believe it, but they both knew otherwise. Daisy took in a breath and turned to her, a shaky smile playing on her lips as she tried to lighten the mood. "My mom has superpowers now,” she said with a wry grin. “Just don't try and kill me with them?"

Melinda kicked at her with sheet-covered toes. "Don't even joke about that." 

Daisy’s face fell. “I’m sorry. I know you won’t hurt me.” 

Melinda didn’t have to touch Daisy to know what she was feeling. Daisy wore her heart on her sleeve after all, always had. Right now, May recognized the burning desire to comfort that usually preceded a tackle hug. Casing Melinda’s reaction, Daisy scooted closer and Melinda allowed her until they were sitting side by side, thighs almost touching but not quite. 

"You can feel emotions, right?" 

Melinda rolled her eyes. "Didn't we just go over this?" 

Instead of answering, Daisy carefully lifted her hand from the bed, nudging it toward Melinda’s and before Melinda could stop her, brought their palms together. "Can you feel this?" 

As always, Melinda was wholly unprepared for the heady rush of another person’s emotions. It was all-consuming, not traveling up from her hand but instead sparking deep within her, coursing through her entire being, though this wasn’t worry or fear. The warmth of it filled her, spreading out to every limb and lighting up every nerve. It soothed the gaping emptiness in her chest and climbed up her throat, a golden light that Melinda almost choked on. The familiarity punched the breath from her lungs. "Love." 

Melinda turned to Daisy, heart flipping as she did. She could finally look at Daisy and experience that surge of love again instead of a bleak nothingness. Eyes shining, Daisy nodded and brought her other hand up to cover Melinda’s. The feeling didn’t intensify but thrummed pleasantly under her skin. “I love you.”

She knew this, of course. Daisy told her almost every day since Phil died, and even before then. But it was one thing to hear it and another to  _ feel  _ it. Melinda allowed the undercurrent of Daisy’s happiness to tug the corners of her mouth up, welcomed the grief-saturated relief bringing tears to her eyes. “I love you too.”

This time, it was May who initiated the contact, turning her palm in Daisy’s hold to tug at her hand. Daisy willingly and eagerly crawled into her arms, shifting to settle with her back to Melinda’s chest when Melinda gathered Daisy against her. The bunk was hardly big enough for one person, let alone two but they’d spent enough sleepless nights together to perfect squeezing into one. Even with Daisy pressed against her, Melinda was better prepared for the barrage of emotions that leeched from Daisy to her. There was love and a bone-deep comfort that settled into Melinda’s chest like it had never left. Daisy still felt safe with her. The tears welled up anew. Turning her head, May pressed her lips to Daisy’s temple, overwhelmed. 

Daisy squeezed her hand, nuzzled a little further into her. “We’ll get through this together.”

Unable to verbally reply, Melinda gave a jerky nod and squeezed Daisy’s hand in return, ignoring the worry she received. There wasn’t anything they couldn’t get through together. They’d proven that time and time again. But they’d never gotten out of anything unscathed. Or dealt with something Melinda was truly afraid of. For now, however, Melinda was content to push that fear aside and greedily take in the few quiet moments the 70’s offered, surrounded by gentle humming and steady love. 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! feel free to yell at me on tumblr where i am also agentmmayy :)


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